More CLOSENUF Fluff! (can't get enuf, eh?)

**Reviews CLOSENUF to the Real Thing!**

"Haven't seen a show like that since their last show!".I.P. Freeley

"My God! When I close my eyes, I swear they sound they do when my eyes are open, only darker!".Austin Tatous

"Like tuning in to Q104.3, except without the commercials or static, and I haven't lost them under a bridge yet!".Miles Long

"A true triumph for George Lucas, a technical marvel".Leonard Maltin

"Merryl Streep gives the most heart wrenching performance of her career".Ebert & Roeper

"This year's Oscar contender, the perfect blend of action and romance, perfect for the whole family".Rex Reed


"Only the stage show outdoes their sound!".Helen Keller

"They are creating such a fervor, I must make the time & get out to see them!".Winona Ryder

"Invest the time and effort to experience this band at all costs!".Martha Stewart

"I laughed, I cried.then I left the house to see the band!".Leonard Maltin

"We saw them at the Third Ave Festival, The Loft, The Monk; we are now so obsessed with this band, we must either marry them or kill them, we just don't know which!".Ebert & Roeper

"Don't leave yourself hanging like one of Michael Jackson's kids, go see them now!".Rex Reed

Of course the reviews are fake, when was the last time a famous critic came to Bay Ridge!

"Sometimes they do such justice to the record, it's like watching 'Who's Line Is It Anyway?' in reverse (think about it)".Scott Free

"Such joy they bring me, must be illegal or immoral!".Jimmy Updaflagpole

"Man, if I make crackling sounds in my head while they play, it's like breaking out all my favorite old 45s!".Phil McCavity

Endorsements from dead celebrities.

"How I look up to these musicians, especially now!".Herve Villechaize

"Go see them now or I may get angry; and trust me, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!".Bill Bixby

"This band blows my mind!".Freddie Prinze

Please note for obvious reasons, the validity of these statements could not be verified.

"They move me - only because they own vans, boxes & skids, and I get evicted so often!".Ben Dover

"Something stirs inside me whenever I see them!".Will Power (Guinness Book of World Records' Holder for World's Largest Tapeworm)

"When I play their demo backwards, I hear my dead parents calling me from under my porch.".Bill Fold (OK, NOW THAT'S JUST DISTURBING!!)

"It's like American Idol meets Fear Factor; whatever that means!".Mason Dixon

"They really move me; and with friends like these, who needs enemas!".Mr. Clean

"You've read the book, now see the play!".Mary Todd Lincoln

"Went to one show and my agoraphobia is completely gone! God Bless You, CLOSENUF!". Ben Therdonthat (individual results may vary)

"Stadium Rock Shows, at local bar and tavern prices! Who can beat that?".Harry Armpits

"Yeah, yeah the flyers are come to a show!".The Management

"For best results, squeeze tube from the bottom and flatten as you go up!".Scott Tissue

"This package is measured by volume, not by weight, some contents may have settled during shipping!".Frank N. Stein

"I have a fever and the only cure is more cowbell!".Prince Foraday

"I laughed, I cried, I laughed again.then I cried.geez, I have to stop tickling myself while lying on a bed of nails!".Bill Melater

"The show was so intense my A.D.D. went away!".Jim Nasium

"They hit my G-spot! Then an A, then a B flat, then a Diminished 7th , then back to the G." .Anita Badly

"I have gone to see them perform, and now I am one with the universe!".Zeus B. Held

"Look, admission's free here; pretty soon they'll be selling out the Garden at $45 a ticket. Strike while the iron is hot, dude!".Justin Case

"If they play something you don't like, they refund the admission price, how cool is that?".Phil McKrevis

"They have to be the best freakin' band I've ever seen!".Ken Useemeelater

"Awe C'mon Ken, what about the Beatles or the Who or Zeppelin?".Hope Useemeelater

"Hey Hope, maybe Ken should have worded it 'the best freakin' band he's ever seen with all original members still living!' Better?".Will Useemeelater (Stay tuned for more.)

"I would give up food, before giving up their music!!".Anna Rexia

"If this band gets any better, we'll have to call off the need for healthcare reform!".Al Fresco

"My Five Day Forecast includes a high chance of great music on Saturday the 16th !".Al Dente

"Outstanding in their field!".The Scarecrow

"They're exciting and energetic, but not heavy metal. I'm not into heavy metal, y'know?".The Tinman

"When we're at their show, we're in no rush to go home!".Dorothy & Toto

"And they ain't lion!".Oh, you know who.

"They really touched me, and then I had to call the authorities!".Will Power

"Pinch me to make sure I'm not dreaming! No seriously pinch me! C'mon, just pinch me already? Please?".Bill Monthly

"They rock!! Then again everything rocks.must be the chair I'm sitting in!".Pat Gently

"They make loving fun!!".Phil McCrevis

"They are like sampling without the loop!".Ray O'Hope

"They have brought rock and roll back to life from the cemetery of hip hop!".Mark Territory

"The band complains of being werewolves; I tell them just shut up & comb your faces!" .Norman Clature

"I love when the band discusses in depth just how old was Casper when he died?".Di Ariea

"They have brought rock and roll back to life from the cemetery of hip hop!".Jack O'Lantern (borrowed from Mark Territory)

"Rated first in safety for full frontal impact crash tests!".Consumer Reports

"Overwhelmingly voted tops in customer satisfaction!".J.D. Power & Associates

"A shoe in for this year's Oscar!".People Magazine


"At their last show electricity filled the room, then the guitarist and bassist uncrossed 2 wires and all went back to normal!".Jacques Strappe

"OhMyGod! Their medleys are like S'mores, so many great tastes mushed together!!".Anna Stesia

"Whattashow! I recognized all their songs! Really big hits! I didn't know one band did all those songs?!".Cher N. Cherralike (sshh, don't blow it for her.)

"My New Year's Resolution is to go to every show they have and sing and dance to every song!!" .Les Ismore

"Who needs Dick Clark when we got CLOSENUF?".Anna Graham

"Out with the old? No way!! Keep those classic rock songs from the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's coming, guys!!".Flo Freeley

"Finally, Broadway is back again!!".Rick Terscale

"A cinematic achievement, a shoe in for Cannes this year!!".Don A. Disguise

"This is sure to be the next great American novel, do not miss out!!".Mark Yurterritory

Play CLOSENUF Jeopardy, first read a review, then decide what it really could be for!!

"It's like hearing the jukebox and still having enough quarters for the meters!!" .Al Amoney

"ROCK 'N ROLL!! ROCK 'N ROLL!! ROCK 'N ROLL!!...oh, I have to sit down, I think I hurt myself." .Greg Garius

"I had to stay until their last song!! Oh, wait a minute, I'm an alcoholic! That's right!".Bob Enweave

"They're taking Gerritsen Beach by storm in January 2004! Oh, I'm sorry, didn't want to mention beach and storm in the same sentence.".Sal Minella

"They bring memories to life! Oops, I'm sure some greeting card company uses that slogan.".Sue Happy

"And the hits just keep coming!".Page Turner (President of the North American Masochists Assoc.)

"When they play, doors to the past are opened, and HG Wells is suing them for all they're worth!!".Buck Naked

"Finally, a nice mix of nostalgia and freshness. Now, where's my Prevacid?".Pete Moss

"They played every song I asked for, just the words, music and melodies sounded different!!".Ken Yahelpme

"The secret square is 'Charo'!" .Anita Mann

"Speak 'Friend' and enter!".Mel Anoma

"Only the penitent man may pass.only a penitent man.".Nick O. Teen


"The cure for the Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie-Woogie Flu!".Skip Skool

"The versions of the tunes are so respectable, they can't even perform at halftime at the Superbowl!" .Skip DaRope

"They are the defibrillators for the Heart of Rock n' Roll!".Skip Abeat

"The crowd cried for more! And stopped when we had no more money to throw to them!".Mike Stand

"They played until the wee hours of the morn! But what do you want when they start so late?" .Mike Feedback

"Their sounds are as palatable as a smooth cognac, and just as intoxicating!".Mike Dadrums

"A complete show! It had everything, a beginning, a middle, an!".J. Jonah Jameson

"They just don't write 'em like that anymore.maybe 'cus they've already been written?" .Peter Parker

"Just like a tribute band that doesn't let you get tired of the same artist!".Mary Jane Watson

"These boys rock!! Especially when they are off their medication.".Will Yooluvme

"These boys roll!! But never inhale! (Just kidding & we mean kidding!)" .Will Power

"These guys are the best I've ever seen, since I've got my new glasses!".Will Seeyasoon

"They put the FESTIVE in FESTIVAL, but I don't want to know what they did with the second E!".Rick Shaw

"They bowled me over! But serves me right for standing so close to the pins!!".Al Beit

"Classic Rock? They play too much sedimentary and not enough igneous!!".Penny Antee

"A top line Rock Show at bargain basement prices!!!".Hank Kerchief

"Take advantage of this limited time offer! Each third song is free!".Adam Apple

"Seniors get in half price! Juniors pay 5/8ths; Sophomores pay double.".Ozzie Moron

"They put the FESTIVE in FESTIVAL, but I still don't know what they did with the second E!".Al Imoni (stole this review from Rick Shaw!)

"They so good, I mean like what I heard awesome.great how freakin' rock, man!" .Drunken Guy at Kelly's Tavern

"If they don't lower it, I will come down with a shotgun and blow out their speakers!!" .Tenant upstairs from Bogart's

"Thank goodness for their Rock & Roll sounds!! They are moist music for my dry ears!!".Ken Du

"I get chills whenever I see them.well, there's winter on the way, the AC, my daiquiri, my low blood pressure.".Asa Spades

"Their sounds are unexpected, like the next crop of seedless watermelon!".Will Ubeemine

"They are uh.Live, uh.Live, Live!!".Frank N. Stein

"We can only hope all the women come dressed as Elvira this year, cool!!".Larry Talbot

"I sat right by the speakers, ooh the pain, the pain!!".Dr. Smith

"Thank God, they are playing here again, I have no life without them!" ...Ella Vator

"An experience one can only experience for oneself! Then again, how do you experience what others are experiencing?.oh, I need to sit down." ...Len Meemoney

"They are so good, canonization can't be far away." ...Les Denperfect

"Ushering in the New Year with no need of a red jacket or flashlight!".Howard Joolikackic

"With this band, popping a cork has too many entendres to mention!!".Howard Joodoin

"Come to the show! It will be their last for 2004.and their first for 2005!!".Maureen Biologis

"Thank God, they are back at the marina; without them I get such a sinking feeling!"... Sy Attica

"With CLOSENUF here, it is such a warm feeling at the beach, even for February!" ... Mel Anoma

"Hey Gerritsen, come see this band, they can be nautical but nice!"... Nick O. Teen

"It's all about the music! It's always about the music.well, maybe not when I floss?".Anita Mann

"Once I ran to see them! Then I slipped on ice and fell, then I sued.oh, never mind.".Hugo First

"They taught me once that the crime is extortion, blackmail is just the street term for it, but don't ask me the hows and whys!".Eliza Wake

"Most of the band is from NYC, how could they not play here? It's on freakin' Brooklyn Ave!!".Halle Copter

"I've longed for a band like this! Really, they put the Long in Long Island!!".Moe Zambeek

"If you're driving to the gig and your car is filling with water, you went too far!".Rocky Roade

"Now with these drink specials, do you have to drink them a certain way?".Kenny Knowdatruth

"No, Ken.I believe you have to be a special person to drink them, right May?".Didi Doright

"Didi, I think every one of God's children is special in their own way. Now shut up and order me another brewsky!".May Allbewell (.the saga continues.)

"Hitting Bay Ridge again! And if the concrete doesn't give, how their knuckles bleed!!".Jack Hammer

"The best is how they are their own opening band!".Al Pine

"With all the Classic Rock gems they play, think of all the quarters you'll save on the juke!".Ariel Flyer

"Only the band members are easier than the E-Z Pass to get there!!".Pat Pending

"Foresooth, no man is a Staten Island!!".Ty Phoon

"Fresh Kills, Great Kills, Arthur Kills!! I'm scared, Mommy!!".Bob Sled

"Speak easy? Speak easy? Hey Boys, do what you do best, sing loudly!!".Ann Biguous

"Their CD is the best use of plastic since Tupperware!".Rock Pyle

"Yeah, and you should hear their patented burp! Sheesh!".Miles Away

"They play any request you long as it's already on the set list!!".Yule Logg

"They just keep playing until the song is over!".Ken Useeit

"They rock like a mental patient after a breakdown! Yeah, baby!".Will Topower

"Showing up is half the fun! (too subliminal for ya?)" .Rock Daboat

"Buy the the CD! (now that's guerilla marketing!)" .Len Mecash

"After a good brainwashing, I always mental floss!!" .Miles Togoe

"Williamsburg, the next Greenwich Village! Well.CLOSENUF!!" .Jack Knife

"Do they even use electricity in Williamsburg?" .Al Beit

"Al, you idiot! Williamsburg, Brooklyn, not Colonial Virginia! Ohmygod!!" .Ray Gunn

"They will make Oktoberfest rock! Now drop and give me 20!!".Corporal Punishment

"Do you think they will add oompas to their repertoire, Pvt?".Major Victory

"It doesn't matter to me, Major, as long as the fraulines are hot!!".Private House

"A street fair! How cool! Car!!".Roe Veewade

"I love the music, the funnel cake, the bargains!! Car!!".Peter Out

"Oh, for the love of Pete, someone put the police barricades back up!! Sheesh!".Karen Forall

"They had to play here, Lynbrook is Brooklyn backwards!!".Meera Image

"Does that mean they have to play all the songs backwards?".Anna Roll

"I t'nod eveileb os!!".Lex Diksia

"CLO-SE-NUF-CLO-SE-NUF-CLO-oh, I think I hurt myself!!".Trey O'Foode

"People do the wave at their shows; some wave hello, some goodbye!".Judge Brownie

"Only European Soccer games needs more security than their shows!".DeForest Station

"All I'm thankful for is CLOSENUF!!".Rock Plymouth

"Zounds, they play a cornucopia of classic and original sounds!!".The Brothers Pilgrim

"Foresooth, we would settle for nothing less!!".May Flower

"Soylent Green is people!! It's people!!".Matt DaFoto

"To Serve Man.It's a cookbook, a cookbook!!".Fannie Pack

"Do not feed them after midnight!!".Mary Young

"They put euphoria in the Happy Hours!".Tom Foolery

"I pity the bands that follow when they are the opening act!!".Jack O'Spades

"I'm sorry, you are just not right for our band INXS...just kidding.oh yes they are!!".Phil Whennemptee

"You miss this next show, the manager is gonna have to go to the bullpen!".Auntie Pasto

"Don't tell us we always go on too late for you, this one's freakin' 8 o'clock!!".Anita Hugg

"See them now before you have to use speed dial for Ticketmaster or scalp heavily!".Lee Thalforce 

They are back for a full length rocking night - be there or be ridiculed by your peers for weeks to come!".Helena Hanbasket

"Helen, don't you think that's a bit pretentious?".Pat McGroin

"Pat, geez - how can you label Helena's statement pretentious? Just look at your name? What were your parents smoking when they named you?!".Tom Foolery

"The coolest part of the summer.short of air conditioning, ice cream, ceiling fans.".Helen Wheels

"Speaking of fans, if you are not one of this band, you don't know what you're missing!".Mary Rich

"Speaking of really are missing out by not coming to these shows.oofah!".Phil Avoid

"As exciting as catching an ice cream cone before it hits your lap!!".Kenya Seeit

"As inspiring as season one of 'Joan of Arcadia'!".Will Yabeemine

"As noteworthy as Angelina Jolie adopting all those little foreign kids!!".Sam Likitthot

© 2001 Wreckords Records
All rights reserved.